In order to stall my departure from this place, I decided to do exactly what the title says. Now this may seem ridiculous, but here's how I did it.

My toolbox is this:

An alt account called "cherrys"
Miztis's generosity (and her "foxpro" alt)
The forum's strange design

Here are the badges I am excluding:

The Woomy United Today badge and the CDO badge (obviously)
The Secret Badge 1 because it expired long before I came on the forum
The Secret Badge 2 because it expired before I decided to start this project (I found it, and it is indeed done).

Troublesome Badges

Siri (10 accepted answers).

This is why I originally made the cherrys alt (along with the "They Like Me" badge, and Exclamation). I thus posted absurdly stupid questions that I could easily answer, and accept. I did find out along the way a method to spam accepted answers (which is why I have 34), but the Siri badge counts them in a different way (spams aren't tallied), so I asked @miztis to help with the creation of stupid questions. I tried creating a 3-way private discussion with @stalicites , an inactive user, to see if I could select best answers there, but it was a no go, so we had to post publicly. Did any of you actually notice the suspicious stuff going on, with me always getting the accepted answer?

The post count badges (Half-Millenium, 2K Poster).

These were decently easy: as @ackvonhuelio suggested, I did make an auto-spammer that redirected requests through a proxy and then to the forum. Easy.

Now, let me present you to the banes of my life:

Loaded and Ten-Thousandaire (which I have 2 copies of for some reason...)

These seem totally impossible. How am I supposed to create coins out of thin air? Turns out that 1 post = 1 coin. See where I'm going?

This one took 2 WHOLE DAYS to grind out. Painful.

I did bribe @Aalie_oop for information on how to find the Secret Badge 2, but again, it's done.

Aftermath

In the process, I managed to thoroughly break the forum: I have 10k posts, the Top Posters of the Month is out of order, I can't click on my "Posts" button, because if I do, my computer has a stroke. However, I did manage to collect 23 (24 if you count that double Ten-Thousandaire badge) badges, and that's a massive record. The previous one was a 2 or 3 way tie with 18 badges. Also, thanks to me, no badge has the "0 users have gotten this badge" next to it anymore!

So, who can beat me?

If we don't count my double badge, anybody who got Secret Badge 1 or 2 could, in theory, beat me. The CDO account could as well. @ackvonhuelio and @[WUT] Adam could beat my record by 2 (total of 25), since ackvonhuelio has both Secret badges, and Adam has Secret Badge 1 + his custom badge. They are the only 2 that could beat me if we're counting my double badge. I don't recommend that you two try, though.

@miztis , if you could post below, so I can give you the 5k coins I promised you. Same goes for you, @Aalie_oop , I owe you 1k coins.

EDIT: I think I found why I got 2 copies of the Ten-Thousandaire badge. Turns out that I was using 2 different IPs when I got it. If you look at the description of the badge, it says that 2 users have gotten it. Both are me.